I have moments where I look at the puzzle of my past and try to piece things together to make them fit. I think back to times I was wronged. Times that I wronged. And try to contemplate how the hell I came out of it.
Often I’m ashamed. Christina is a regret. That boy that only wanted a girlfriend is a regret. Not standing up for what is right is a major regret.
How do I change the past? How do I mend hearts? Is being tormented by my regret my punishment?
How do I let it go?
I’m not sure where this blog will lead.. or how I will lead this blog. I have two.. or three others that I’m not very consistent with but I want to be consistent with this one. I guess we can start off with my blog name- solacewishes. Half my life has been filled with chaos. The most I could ever do was find solace in or after the situation before I even knew there was an actual word for it. Yes, people have hope as well but hope was a very dangerous word for me back then. Hope was synonymous with the impending dread I would feel when things or people fell through. I think about that now and it just feels so empty. I world without hope is empty. I was empty.
So maybe these posts with drift in and out from past to present. From lessons to tasks I need to get through. To lessons I still need to learn.
Welcome to my blog. My life.. and I guess my journey.